'I love you' ryhmes with 'hideous car wreck.'

I honestly don't know what to think right now, because you really don't say something like that and then not speak to the person for 67+ hours. 

I just don't know what I'm supposed to think.

Currently Listening Evan and Jaron By Evan and Jaron see related

- Crazy for this Girl [Acoustic Version]

I'm back from Girls State, and despite the amazing things that happened there, the amazing things that happened over the phone while I was there, I just feel empty.

I don't really know what I'm supposed to do anymore.  Because I feel like I've lost my best friend.  Even after I tried to fix things, she avoids me, doesn't call, can't even bother to think about me, and it hurts so much.  If it has to do with Trey, well it's not really fair.  Not fair that I have to sacrafice one thing for another, one friend for another.  Because I love them both.  They're both my friends.  And if it comes to choosing, I refuse. 

But I miss her so much.  Who is gonna be my friend all the time, even when her boyfriend's in town?  That's right.

-Sarah
Thinking: get dressed
Feeling: lost
Quoting: "We're the kids who feel like dead ends." -Fall Out Boy

Every single day 'til we made our getaway.

We were born in this little town.
Growin' up I was countin' down,
Every single day till we made our get-away.
But you said you could never see yourself,
Trying to make a life anywhere else.
This would be your home,
And I was on my own.
But ever since you said good-bye,
I've been out here on the wind,
And baby you would be surprised,
All the places you have been.
I've seen you in Albuquerque waitin' out a blizzard,
Arizona dancin' 'cross the desert,
Watchin' the sun set in Monterey.
Girl I swear just the other day you were,
Down in Georgia pickin' them peaches,
Carolina barefoot on the beaches.
No matter where you choose to be,
In my heart I'll always see you,
Everywhere.
Now a days when I'm passin' through,
The conversation always turns to you.
I hear you're doin' fine,
Livin' out by the county line.
Got a man that's home every night,
A couple of kids and the kind of life,
That you want to lead.
Guess you could say the same for me.
But you and I made our choices,
All those years ago.
Still I know I'll hear your voice,
And see you down the road.
Maybe in,
Oklahoma drivin' 'cross the prairie,
In Dallas Texas isn't that where we,
Always said we would like to try,
But never did so maybe that's why,
You're on every highway just beyond the high-beams,
Right beside me in all of my sweet dreams.
No matter where you choose to be,
In my heart I'll always see you,
In Albuquerque waitin' out a blizzard,
Arizona dancin' 'cross the desert,
Watchin' the sun set in Monterey.
Girl I swear just the other day you were,
Down in Georgia pickin' them peaches,
Carolina barefoot on the beaches.
No matter where you choose to be,
In my heart I'll always see you,
Everywhere.
-Tim McGraw, "Everywhere"

I feel absolutely sick at my stomach, physically sick.  But not because of some bug that's going around.  Only because I'm utterly repulsed.  I feel like I've been used for two years, like I've been a stand-in friend while she's been in Pineville.  It's as if Liz, Kat, and I have all been good-for-now until she goes back to Lafayette.  Maybe it's not true.  But I think it is.

I feel like I can't even tell her anything anymore.  I feel like it's just tip-toing around glass.  Like I can't even tell her the biggest secret of my life right now.  And that's crap.  Because I want to tell her.  I don't even care about what she says now, because it's bull crap what she's doing.  She said she was staying here.  I feel like our little fight has just driven her completely away. 

I can't talk to anyone right now.  Trey's playing video games.  Kalyla just wouldn't understand it really.  And her, well that's frickin' obvious, I think. 

-Sarah

Currently Listening Stories and Alibis By Matchbook Romance see related

- "The Greatest Fall (Of All Time)"

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.

Today is gonna be the day,
That they're gonna throw it back to you.
By now you should've somehow,
Realized what you gotta do.
I don't believe that anybody,
Feels the way I do about you now.
Backbeat the word was on the street,
That the fire in your heart is out.
I'm sure you've heard it all before,
But you never really had a doubt.
I don't believe that anybody feels,
The way I do about you now.
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding.
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.
There are many things that I would,
Like to say to you.
I don't know how.
Because maybe,
You're gonna be the one who saves me.
And after all,
You're my wonderwall.
Today was gonna be the day,
But they'll never throw it back to you.
By now you should've somehow,
Realized what you're not to do.
I don't believe that anybody,
Feels the way I do,
About you now.
And all the roads that lead to you were winding.
And all the lights that light the way are blinding.
There are many things that I would like to say to you.
I don't know how.
I said maybe,
You're gonna be the one who saves me.
And after all,
You're my wonderwall.
I said maybe,
You're gonna be the one who saves me.
And after all,
You're my wonderwall.
Said maybe,
You're gonna be the one that saves me.
You're gonna be the one that saves me.
You're gonna be the one that saves me.
-Oasis, "Wonderwall"

Sometimes I don't even think it's worth it.  This, all of this, is so unlike me.  Really.  No one would ever guess that innocent Sarah would do something like this, would lie like this.  But maybe that's why I am doing it.  Because no one expects it.

But still, it's just not worth it really.  It's not worth being lonely most of the time.  It's not worth those short five or ten minutes a day when I'm not lonely.  It's not worth all the sneaking around and "just friends." 

But I still can't manage to convince those words to move from my mind and out of my mouth, to pass through my lips and rape his ears.  Because it wouldn't be worth it.

-Sarah
Thinking: bath
Feeling: lonely
Quoting: "And every time you speak her name, does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died, till you died? But you're still alive." -Alanis Morissette, "You Oughta Know"

irony of chance
on the corpse of truth I dance
bitter end romance
-Jonathon Newby

his ocean wrists run deep.
but the floods before him,
will not be cause
to drown.
-Robert Monroe

dotted eye's making holes in the skies
winter kiss licking my lips
and i somehow fell into the way
the hair falls in your eyes
the angle of your neck
and sucked into...
your finger tips slide down my face
and all these thoughts i've defined in you.
-Chris Martinez, "If I Had to Say..."